Getting the call
I don’t remember much of the day I was told I had breast cancer. There are so many emotions associated with receiving a potentially fatal diagnosis. As a doctor, I’ve unfortunately had to call my patients with such diagnosis, but this was the first time I’d been at the receiving end. It was shocking to say the least, to hear I had stage 2 breast cancer at the age of 45, with no immediate family history and no other major risk factors. Plus, I’d had a normal mammogram the previous year.
Acceptance & finding my support circle
It took a while for my husband and I to accept the truth. Once we did so, we decided to make sure our kids’ lives and schooling continue as normal. My daughter was doing her undergrad at college and my son was in high school, and we decided to keep them insulated and protected as much as possible from our stress. I also decided to take a break from my work and focus on just getting better. In this I was supported by my colleagues who not only took care of my patients, they also shielded me from work stress and sent me encouraging and positive messages. Since I didn’t have to worry about work, my husband and I could focus on getting through the surgery, chemo treatments and radiation therapy. I also lucked out in having a great medical team on my side.
It was tough, not saying it wasn’t, but the bad days — usually the second week of a chemo cycle when the blood counts would plummet— made me appreciate the good days all that more. And there were more good days than bad. Days where I could leave the house, catch a cup of coffee with my husband, or just walk around the block. By the time I got to my last chemo treatment, spring had arrived and the trees and gardens around our neighborhood were in full bloom, and I was beyond grateful at the chance to stay on and enjoy all of nature’s beauty.
A new way of life
There are several things I’ve been left with following this experience. One, I can now fully empathize with my patients, knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end. Cancer also taught me not to let my work consume me. I now allow myself to set boundaries and allocate time to have fun, to relax, to write and read, to do whatever I want to do.
My experience also left in me a sense of guilt and deep pain for the colleagues and friends, some younger than me, who were diagnosed when I was but weren’t able to survive. I will always remember them, my heart will always hurt for them and their family, and in that remembrance I will do my best to be to never take the days I have left for granted.